Today at work it is slow. I decided to browse Monster.com and see jobs and potential salaries for my hubby for when he gets his Master's and his additional certifications. Unfortunately, the human services field isn't exactly generous with monetary dividends. Guess they think you can live off all the warm fuzzy feelings you get from preventing suicides and taking beaten babies out of homes. Not that the salaries will leave us destitute...but I was surprised that even at large hospitals and institutions in big cities, the salaries aren't much different than here.
And then...just for fun...I typed in my current job. So at this very moment, I make more than my hubby. But when he graduates in December that will probably all change. Or so I thought. If I wanted to continue with this career, and if I wanted to move somewhere big, agencies and corporations are offering salaries in the high five figures for my current level of experience. And a couple more years experience? Six figures. Especially with my background in technology, website coding, and technical writing. Six figures.
Holy crap. (Pardon the French).
It's a weird feeling. It's a confusing feeling in my gut right now. I think here are some reasons why. Please don't judge. These are just the thoughts running through my head in no particular order:
I am not worth that much. I am just a little Idaho girl. The job I do is so fun and so easy. I already feel I make more than I should.
If I can make that much, should I? Justin could be the stay-at-home parent on that salary. Or not. Really, what's so bad about daycare?
How would my husband feel knowing I had significantly more earning potential than him? I have less education. We've been doing it for a few years, and we've never had an issue with it, but I think we both thought those days would be long gone after he got his Master's. Both of us are fairly conservative and traditional--we would both be ok with this scenario?
Why am I even worrying about this? It's not like I'm actively looking for a different job. I LOVE my job here. Justin's still in school. Nothing's going to change.
But if I can make that much money, why not go for it?
I could have a really cool job in a really cool city. Like some powerful, attractive, and sexy-yet-appropriate character in the movies.
WOW! That could be me!
We could have Justin's student loans paid off in no time!
Is a six figure salary in New York really that much? What's the exchange rate from Idaho money to New York money?
But I want to be a stay at home mom. Why do I suddenly feel somehow obligated to chase after all this money and these dream jobs?
It's all confusing. And nothing's happening! I don't need it to be confusing. But the fact is--knowledge changes things. No matter if we do something--or nothing--I'll always know, always wonder.