Sunday, May 3, 2009

Welcome, Worry


Hello, Worry.

I heard you were coming and I've been expecting you. Do you have any bags? Oh, of course not, the moving van will be here tomorrow with all your permanent things. This isn't just a visit. This is forever. Well, come on in. You might as well make yourself comfortable.

Are you sure you won't leave after a year or two? Not even after eighteen years? Guess not, huh. This is forever. Well, then, we might as well get started.
  • Is she still breathing?
  • Is she comfortable?
  • Why hasn't she pooped in two days?
  • SIDS
  • Is that a rash, the chicken pox, rubella, yellow fever, or just baby acne?
  • Why doesn't she cry?
  • Why is she fussing?
  • Swine flu
  • Do her hiccups hurt?
  • Will she like me?
  • Will she understand her adoption?
  • Will she think I'm second best?
  • Is this the right formula?
  • I touched her soft spot--did I ruin her?
  • When should I take her out?
  • Why did I let so-and-so hold her, they didn't wash first.
  • Did I bathe her right?
  • Why did she lose so much weight?
  • Is she getting enough to eat?
  • Am I a bad mom?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just the beginning. But one last question, Worry--will I ever get used to you?

8 comments:

Meagan Spaulding said...

So true so true. Don't forget it's normal for kiddos to lose weight after they come home from the hospital. She'll gain it back. She will love you and you'll always be her number one!

Anonymous said...

Sorry to say the worry doesn't stop at 18 either. All normal thoughts and good ones at that. If you didn't worry then you wouldn't care, but you can give yourself a break - we all go through it as parents. And yes, Jocelyn will think that you are the best. Hang in there - this is what you have been waiting for and no turning back now. See you guys on Friday afternoon sometime.

Mom Z

Maria said...

Hey, don't you remember my mom supposedly stuck her finger through my soft spot and I turned out just fine! :) The worry is so real, and never ends, and then, just wait, MOTHER'S GUILT - it's one of the most real things ever! My sister Melanie warned me about it and boy she wasn't kidding, you'll have guilt about everything! Sheltering too much, expecting too much, underestimating them, sending them to bed sad, brushing their hair too hard, you name it, guilt is attached! But it is still all worth it in the end. She is beautiful, and I don't know if it is just me, but I totally think she looks like you in that photo! God knew what he was doing!
And yes, she'll love you more than anything, how could she not?

The Gotch Family said...

No, it doesn't go away. But you do learn to push it aside, knowing that if something were to happen you couldn't have prevented it. I still check on my kids at night sometimes to make sure they are breathing :). I have had to learn to do what is best for them, not what is most comfortable for me (for instance, I put them in their own cribs in their own rooms recently, but I had a hard time letting them be so far away from me). I actually miss them keeping me up at night. What?!

Hays Family said...

Lara, you expressed a new mom's feelings so beautifully. This worrying is parenting. Welcome to your new life.

Kristen Mackrory said...

Well said! I don't think I will ever get used to it!

Chy said...

ok so I sneak in and read your blog once and a while and I TOTALLY missed this, I'm so happy for you! You will be the absolute BEST momma ever :0D What a very luck baby girl.
xoxo chy

Chy said...

OK so I skip on over and check in on your cute blog once and a while and I totally missed this! I'm so happy for you guys, what a lucky beautiful baby girl! You will be the best momma ever :0D
xoxo Chy

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