Thursday, February 4, 2010

How Would I Tell?

Yesterday, a friend at work was telling me how his wife told him they were expecting. It was a really great, creative way.

Fun story.

But kind of sad. If you're me.

I used to always dream up unforgettable ways to tell my husband and our families that I was pregnant. It would be great. As a woman, you're the first to know. Even if you both are hoping for it and waiting for it, as a woman, you're the first to suspect something, and the first to really know. It gives you a position of power over this information.

So yeah, I always thought it would be so wonderful to be able to break the news.

Unfortunately, I've had a lot of experience in breaking the bad news. Nope. Not yet. Nothing feels different. Maybe next time. The test said no.

A lot of times, I'd just ignore the tests without any kind of announcement to Justin, hoping he'd forget to ask. Because I didn't want to have to say it out loud.

But he always did. And I'd always have to say it.

As Mrs. R says, adoption is a cure for childlessness. It's not a cure for infertility. There are still moments. Moments when I'm sharing in someone else's ultimate joy that suddenly I pull up short with a very rude reality check.

It strikes at the most random times. At least I've developed a good game face.


Liz Smith said...

:( im sorry. I think you have been so awesome throughout everything, but i can't imagine the sadness ever being able to completely go away. I'm happy you guys have a beautiful baby to love and cherish...and hey, anything is just may get the opportunity to creatively tell great news someday. I'm just glad that you guys are getting the opportunity to be amazing parents. seriously, you're awesome. :) *hugs*

Ashley said...

I totally understand. It's so weird to have gone through both experiences.

With Julia, someone ELSE knew and told me that we were going to have a baby. I still got to tell Mike in a creative way which was wonderful but it stung to know that people out there had known for a full 24 hours already and I'd only just found out.

With this guy, I had a whole minute to myself to let it sink in. I sat and stared at the test and shook, unable to believe what I was seeing. At that moment in time, I was the only person in the whole world who knew I was pregnant. I went out and told Mike (I was too shaky to be creative) but it was ours, just ours.

And it's something I never thought I'd have.

I totally understand how you feel.

Alicia said...

I can't imagine how much pain you are feeling but I do know from the flip side of things that it is really hard to tell a friend that is having trouble conceiving that you are pregnant. You don't want to cause them pain but you know it will hurt them anyway. And you know you will have to tell them sometime. With Melynn I had a good friend that was due about two weeks before me and she had a miscarriage when I was about 12 weeks along. I had just barely told her I was pregnant and then she miscarried and I had such awful guilt the whole pregnancy. Every time I saw her I just felt so bad. I guess as women we just have a lot of emotions tied up with babies.

Jewls said...

Just poppin' over from Feigning Fertility. I tried to explain this very thing to my sister...she thought I was crazy for being emotional over something like that, but I guess it's hard to explain to fertile myrtles all the ways that infertility stings!
What a great post!

P.S. Your family is beautiful!!

Lara said...

You're absolutely right. I know several people in the same situation - someone miscarried and a friend or relative had a baby around the due date, so it's always a reminder. I'm glad when people are aware of my feelings, but of course, there are those who are too careful. I still love hearing and talking about pregnancy and babies. I can truly be happy for others. And I think part of that truthful happiness is that I can also acknowledge the hard parts for me and mourn for it. I'm not bitter, I don't allow myself to be. It's always a hard situation and everyone is different.


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