Lois and Ray have been married since 2002 and have two very handsome biological sons. Some health complications with Lois's last pregnancy led them to their adoption journey because they know their family isn't complete yet. I think that is so awesome. They are just getting started in their journey and I wish them the best of luck.
So check out Lois's interview below and head over to her blog to learn more about her or get a button to add to your blog to help her and Ray adopt.
You have two biological boys. How are you preparing them for a new, adopted sibling?
The boys have been involved in the process since the beginning. Even though they are only 6 and 4, we discussed their feelings about having another sibling before we pursued adoption at all. It was a total family decision to add another member. They were so excited about the possibility.
We’ve talked to them about what adoption means and how it works. The hardest part for them is the not knowing when we will be chosen so they want “our new baby” now (ok, so do mommy and daddy) but we just keep talking about it and being open.
What is/was the scariest part of the adoption journey you are on?
So far, the scariest part is when and if we will be picked. There is just that little part of us that worries no one will pick us to raise our child because we have two boys already or for whatever reason we do not even know. After that, the next scariest part is just making sure our new little one knows how much they are loved and an important part of our family.
How did you tell your children and extended family you were going to adopt?
We spoke with the boys before we began the process and we just asked them what they thought about it. The rest of our extended family we were just open and told them our plan once we had made a decision. We explained our reasoning and everyone has been supportive. Ray’s mother was particular supportive because she herself had placed children up for adoption due to an abusive relationship and knows how important adoption is for a child and finding the right family to raise your child. Our friends are also extremely excited about our journey as well.
How did you and your husband come to the decision to adopt?
After our 2nd son was born, my husband and I just felt like our family wasn’t complete. We tried to conceive naturally for a few months. Since I had some health issues during my last pregnancy, my husband was very concerned about another pregnancy so we decided to investigate and ultimately pursue adoption.
Are you going through an agency or doing your own marketing? Tell us about your decision and how it’s been working out for you.
We are working with Adoption Options, which is a program of the Lutheran Social Ministries of NJ. However, since they are a small agency and we prefer a baby girl, we are also doing a lot of our own networking to increase our chances. I’ve been blogging, sending e-mails and letters to people who come in contact with pregnant women, leaving business cards at local spots.
How do you deal with any judgments about you adopting even though you have biological children?
So far, we really have been lucky and no one has judged and just been very happy that we are considering adoption. Since we are so new to being an approved family, we have not really seen it yet from birth parents who may not select us yet.
How do you feel about open adoption? What worries do you have? How do you expect to benefit?
At first, we were very nervous about open adoption but after speaking with the social workers at the agency, reading about it and speaking with other adoptive families, we are very excited about the opportunity to have an open adoption. As most adoptive parents, I think we worry about how the relationship with the birth parents will evolve, and how will we find the right level of openness for both the birth parents and us. The biggest benefit we see is that our child will know that they are loved by their birth family, learn about their history, and have access to their family health history.
What made you choose open adoption?
Originally, we choose open adoption because that was all that was offered by our agency but as we’ve learned more about open adoption, we come to feel this is the best option for our child.
How have you prepared for adoption?
Since we already have children, we probably have a little less preparation than many new parents do. We have all the furniture, baby items and many gender neutral clothes. We also have experience parenting so we feel comfortable in that. The biggest preparation we are doing is learning more about adoption, and how we can best help our child grow and nurture within our family.
Thanks, Lois. It was really fun getting to know you. Good luck!