You know how you can have bad hair days? Well, I've had a bad mom day.
Five minutes later, I go back to the car and see that Joci has been bawling the whole time. Now she's worked up. A worked up baby is never a good thing. Plus, I feel horrible.
I search the car for a pacifier. There is supposed to be one in her car seat. There usually is. Not today.
Mistake number 3.
ALWAYS have a binky!!!!
She really starts howling as I'm driving away. She is simply miserable. With my newly mastered one-armed driving technique, I reach behind my seat and pull out the partially-packed diaper bag. I feel in the "binky pockets." Nothing.
The bottle pockets are empty too.
Mistake number 4.
Oh, I have formula. But no bottle. No sippy cup. But I do have Gerber Yogurt Melts. I open the gusset bag (has a zip-loc type opening) and hand it to her. She reaches in and grabs one and happily pops it into her mouth.
Mistake number 5.
Not that easy. The gusset bag's natural inclination is to close. And she doesn't have the dexterity to get back into it. She's way angrier than before.
There has got to be a binky in this bleeping diaper bag! I frantically empty the bag (as frantically as I could, seeing as I was driving and only had one hand to take things out of the bag). I had diapers. Wipes (like, three). Two plastic spoons. A diaper changing mat. Baby powder. Sunscreen. (I have sunscreen but not a BINKY?) A dirty diaper. Fabu. Oh, and a jar of baby food.
I pull over at a gas station to feed her.
Mistake number 6.
It's baby lasagna.
Slipping into the back seat, I pop open the lid of baby lasagna and begin to feed Joci. She reluctantly eats half the jar without stopping crying. Then she decides she's done. And this is how I know. She has a mouthful of lasagna, but apparently doesn't want it, so she spits it into her hand and tries to get rid of it. I quickly reach for a wipe. It's a game of speed. Can I wipe her hand before she gets it somewhere bad?
I got it!
I got most of it.
Just a tiny bit remains on her fingers. A tiny trace of orangey Italian sauce. And she wipes it on my snowy-white-dry-clean-only-pea-coat.
I get back in the driver's seat and start hauling. Jocelyn's content for maybe three miles. And then the crying starts again.
I take a less populated back road, hoping to go faster and avoid traffic.
Mistake number 7.
End up behind a slow truck sauntering along at ten under the speed limit.
Finally, he turns and I step on it.
The back roads are set up like a grid system with stop signs every mile. It's a seventeen mile drive back to my home. At each stop sign, I screech to a stop, quickly check for oncoming tractors and livestock, then punch the gas pedal, accelerating at jerk neck speeds only to slam on the breaks ten seconds later. The speed limit on these roads is 50. I make it up to 75 at this reckless pattern.
Mistake number 8.
It's a windy day. Winds here were forecasted to be up to 50 mph. I don't know what they actually were at, but I do know that driving at 75 mph among farms with no windbreaks, I was blown across the road. My stomach lurched. I may or may not have cussed under my breath. I slowed down to 60 and finished my drive.
Then I got home, let Joci out to play, got her a sippy cup and she was happy as a clam. She's sleeping soundly now. I guess I didn't do too much damage.
What a bad mom day. None of this would've happened if I would've just had a bleeping binky with me! I solemnly vow from this moment on to have a fully packed diaper bag with me at all times.
Feel free to ask me how I'm doing.
So, now that I went to so much trouble to get these gorgeous pictures, I better post them. :)