Do you ever have those days when you just feel so…
I don’t know – like a Trapper Keeper?
You remember Trapper Keepers, right? Once upon a time they were cool. They hold all kinds of stuff—but usually boring stuff—and after a little bit of use they start to tear at the binding and the picture gets scuffed—and not a cool picture but something more generic because you were lucky that your mom would even spring for a Trapper Keeper in the first place—and even though it’s scuffed and the plastic is jagged it’s still functional so you can’t justify getting rid of it and you try to convince everyone that it’s ironically cool in a hipster sort of way even though you resent hipsters and openly rebel against their egotistical uniqueness.
I am feeling a bit like a Trapper Keeper today.
I read other blogs and think, “My blog is so boring. I could do more, right? I am supposed to be creative. I am a freakin’ professional creative writer. I can do better than this, right?” And then I think, “Maybe I can’t do better than this. Man, I am lame. Lame like an old Trapper Keeper.”
I look at other women and think, “I have no sense of fashion. I am lucky if my clothes fit. I am excited that I have finally found a pair of jeans that I love. First time in my life that has ever happened. They are from GAP. And I paid full price. How do people find amazing outfits at TJ Maxx for $17 when it took me years to find an acceptable pair of jeans for $60?”
Am I the only twenty-something woman in America who owns only one pair of jeans?
Am I the only twenty-something woman in America who has exactly three pairs of pants that fit properly and that I actually like to wear (said jeans are part of this number)?
Am I the only twenty-something (almost thirty-something!) who still feels like a lost teenager trying to find her voice, personality, and style?
I often catch myself thinking that this self-dislike (not quite self-loathing, but on that spectrum) would just end if I were taller/thinner/richer/smarter/funnier?
P.S. I have a follow up to this post for tomorrow. It will be more positive. I hope.