Friday, November 11, 2011

The Doubting Hopeful Adoptive

Today I was writing the copy for our adoption profile pages.

This is the part I hate.

I never know what to say. And I have issues being concise. I don't have enough space to say what I want to say. I look at other profiles. I try to get other ideas but ultimately, I end up comparing myself to them. I am always left with a hundred questions.

What is the most important thing about me?
How do I condense all that I am and all that I feel into a few short paragraphs?
What will make a birth parent turn the page and keep reading?
What will scare a birth parent away?
Am I being too emotional? Too needy? Too sappy? Too flippant?
Am I enough?
Why would anyone ever pick me?

Some of these profiles talk about summer homes on the beach and fancy private schools. How can I compare?

It's so miraculous that we got picked once - that a beautiful family felt that we would be the perfect parents for their baby girl. Out of hundreds--possibly thousands--of families. Many better looking than us, wealthier than us, with better opportunities than us. It's a miracle of miracles that we got picked once.

How can I possibly ever hope for it to happen again?


Ashley said...

I understand the feeling, but let me tell you something:

You are amazing. You are an amazing mom. You are a wonderful family. An incredible family.

I know that what makes you so adorable (not in the "awwww...." way but in the "oh" way) is your honesty. You write from the heart. These people may have summer homes in the Hamptons or boats or may summer in Europe but you radiate creativity, love and beauty. You live a life devoted to your husband and daughter, and they to you.

What loving expectant mother wouldn't want that woman to be the mother of her child?

I would.

And so will someone else.

I promise.

Jewls said...

I wonder that every day. I banned myself from looking at other profiles because it just makes me feel like we're not enough!

I agree with Ash though, you guys are GREAT! It'll happen... :)

Jill Elizabeth said...

Please, please, please don't think that expectant mothers are swayed by homes in the Hamptons and ponies and private schools. I mean, I'm sure there are a few of them out there. But I didn't care about any of that when I looked at profiles, and neither did any of the birth moms I know (and I know a lot).

Personally, I was turned off by couples who felt the need to flaunt their material wealth in their profiles. It felt like they were saying, "We know you're considering adoption because you're poor." Also, I knew rich kids when I was growing up, and they were all brats. I didn't want that for my baby.

What I wanted for her was this: two parents who love each other completely and who would dedicate themselves to being her parents, a safe and happy home, and an eternal family. Also, I wanted her to have a mother who loves to read :)

You are such an awesome person, and you are an excellent mother. Joci has everything her birth mother wanted for her. An expectant mother who views your profile will see that.

I should also mention that what drew me to P and M's profile initially was their picture - they had adopted a little girl, and I thought she was just darling. I remembered her face more than theirs. Don't be afraid to use a LOT of pictures of your beautiful daughter :)

Michelle said...

Because with God nothing is impossible! You haven't had your fill of His miracles yet--none of us have . . . I really have enjoyed reading your blog and your authenticity. You are a beautiful mother and it really comes through in your writing. I can only imagine the vulnerability it takes to put yourself in this place, but it will all be worth it when you get your next precious child.

Anonymous said...

Lara - just act naturally. That goes a lot further in most people's eyes. If I were a birthparent looking for someone to take my little one, I would pick someone like you guys over a beach house anyday and they will too. Look at what you wrote down last time. I was impressed and if it worked before, it will again. Love Mom Z

Ben and Jennifer Steinmetz said...

Gosh, I get intimidated just thinking about it! The way I see it, our children are meant to become a part of our family one way or the other. So whether that means they'll get here the old fashioned way, or if they'll have to catch a ride with another mommy, God will make sure they get where they need to be. I'm sure that was why Joci's birth mom felt that you were the "perfect family," and that will happen again when your next baby is sent here for you, because only you are meant to be its mommy. Now it's just the timing...That's the part I'm always worrying about! ;)

Rachel said...

First of all, I love that you referred to what you were writing as "copy."

I must say, though, that I've thought a lot about this post. As I was falling asleep last night, I wondered what in the world I would write about myself and my little family on an adoption profile page. It made me ask, "Why DO I deserve to have a child entrusted to my care?" And I keenly felt all my weaknesses.

A friend of mine who adopted her own two boys told me one time that she had learned that every mother goes through labor-- even if it's not the kind that involves biting down on rags and cussing out the man who put you in this position.

She's right.

And I would add to that, pregnancy. They take different forms, but the discomfort and work and sacrifices that go towards building a family all add up to the same thing.

As I was talking to Abe about this tonight, I asked him, "What would we write?" and he said something to the effect of, "It wouldn't matter what we wrote; the Holy Ghost guides birth parents in these decisions."

And it's true. God loves you and honors your motherhood. He will help the birth parents of your next baby see you as He sees you. And He will tell them that you're you are meant to be the mother of their baby.


Liz Smith said...

because your awesomeness will show through your words and it will happen just like it did with joci. i am positive she was meant to be with your family and the same will happen with your next child. it will all just fall into place because it will be meant to be. you guys are great. i am so excited for you.

Frederick Family said...

Your friends comments are so beautifully stated and so true. Yes,I believe you will receive the child God has in mind for you to raise. The waiting and not knowing is the hard part. Write honestly about yourselves because it will ring louder than anything else. This is an exciting time for you...Love MOM


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