It's important for us to spread the word any way possible because about half of all adoptions happen by word of mouth referrals rather than getting matched at an agency.
Not sure if something like this can work? Meet Brittany; a friend who I have not had the pleasure of meeting in real life yet. Here is her story.
When my husband and I were going through years of infertility trials, we kept it a secret.
When we started looking into adoption, we kept it a secret.
When we went to our adoption classes and found out that we needed the help of our family and friends to make our adoption happen, we panicked.
You wouldn’t know it by reading my blog now, but back then, I was very reserved. We were going through a very isolating, heartbreaking and private trial. I didn’t want everyone “knowing my business.”
There was a time when I pictured us walking into church one day with a baby. And that was how I was going to tell our congregation we had adopted.
Finding out we had to tell people was frightening. It meant everyone would knoweverything. (At that point we had told our parents that we were looking into adoption, but got a prickly reception from a few of them. The thought of telling more people and risking that kind of reaction was something I was not looking forward to.)
No, no no. I was going to be the one who, after getting our profile up on itsaboutlove.org, would be quickly chosen by a birth mom. Itsaboutlove was how we were going to be found.
As with many things in my life, the Lord had a different plan for me than what I did. A better plan.
A few months after the adoption classes I was getting more adjusted to the idea of telling people. I had also started my adoption blog which helped me open up even more. One day I was reading blogs like therhouse and our local FSA blog and I saw posts about Pass Along Cards. I remembered in our classes how they mentioned them and that couples should look into getting some made. The example cards I saw on the blogs were really cute and fun. I thought “What the heck? I might as well.”
The problem was, I had no idea how to go about getting Pass Along Cards made.
My friend and neighbor, Jill, had just started up her own business. She was making our Christmas cards that year so I asked her if she could make me some Pass Along Cards. I told her what I wanted, she made some up and I loved them! I decided to throw caution to the wind and send them out in a mass-mailer along with a letter explaining our hope to adopt. (I also put the link to our adoption blog on our Christmas cards.)
In the spring, I gave out some cards to a friend of mine the night we went out together to eat. The next day she went to get her hair done and the topic of adoption came up with her hairstylist. The stylist said her roommate was pregnant and was interested in adoption, so my friend gave her our card. At that time, the pregnant roommate walked into the salon and started talking to my friend. As this was happening, another stylist walked over and said she had gotten a pass along card from her client earlier that day and wanted to give it to the stylist whose roommate was pregnant.
It was another copy of our card.
The other client was my mom who, unknowingly, went to the same salon that my friend did. And who happened to go in on the same day. And who happened to have the topic of adoption come up. So she gave her stylist our card.
That’s right, our birth mom got 2 copies of our pass along card from 2 separate people on the same day.
Do you believe in coincidences? I don’t.
During the time our birth mom was trying to find prospective couples, she never looked at the couples on itsaboutlove.org once.
The Lord knew that.
He knew that she wasn’t going to find us unless we put aside our fears and put forth effort and faith to help Him help us.
Our birth mom kept our 2 Pass Along Cards in the driver’s license window of her wallet for months. She was meeting with other couples at that time but she said she would look at our picture and think to herself “But I still have to meet Que and Brittany.” And the rest, as they say, is history.
Our son’s birth mom, me, my mom, my friend, & her hair stylist. This was taken at a baby shower my friend threw for me and of course, I had to invite our birth mom and her roommate/stylist! –2009
We love our son and our birth mom very much and are so grateful for those people in our life who were brave enough to share with others our hope to adopt. Without them (and without Pass Along Cards), we wouldn't be a family!
Brittany, Que, Brie (birth mom) and baby Liam, 2009
And here is our pass along card. I think it turned out super cute.
So, if you got a few of our cards, now you know what to do. If you would like some of our cards, please leave me a comment with your email address. I'll get in touch with you and send you some. Here are ways to pass them along:
- Give them to church leaders
- Give them to family lawyers
- Give them to doctors, hospitals, and clinics
- Give them to counselors and social workers
- Give them to high school teachers/counselors
- Pin them to bulletin boards in the foyers of businesses
- Leave them with the tip when you go out.
- Drop one in the envelope when you send a bill payment
- Keep one in your wallet - if the topic ever comes up with ANYONE, show the card
Thanks for your help! And thanks, Brittany, for sharing your story.