Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Nighttime Lara Is Such a Jerk

I have a battle raging within me.

Morning Lara versus Nighttime Lara. And Nighttime Lara is winning. She is such a jerk. She stays up way too late. Every freaking night. She dinks around online. She watches Vampire Diaries. She wastes her life (which is my life too so it makes me mad). She has a blast with her time. Does whatever the heck she wants. And ultimately, she screws over Morning Lara. Yeah, the Lara that has to face rolling out of bed after just four hours of sleep. Maybe five. Never, ever more than six. Morning Lara has to get two kids ready. Morning Lara has to be on time for things. Morning Lara has to do the boss's bidding. Morning  Lara has to plan her day and check off boxes and write headlines and look perky and pound down 20 ounces of Diet Pepsi before noon to function.

I was lamenting this last week and my mother-in-law suggested I "ground" Nighttime Lara, making her go to bed early for a week. I do! Every time I get up, I curse Nighttime Lara. I get so angry with her. I demand, insist, and require that she goes to bed before midnight. And I mean it! But guess what? By the time night falls and it's bed time, Morning Lara is nowhere to be found. Nighttime Lara is completely unsupervised. So guess what she does? She spends hours reading damnyouautocorrect.com. She reads and wastes time. And she stays up way too late.

Sometimes on the weekend, afternoon Lara plays mediator and takes a nap. But that doesn't happen often enough for anyone's liking.

All I can say is that Nighttime Lara is a total punk.


Rachel said...

Those hours after the kids are in bed are so precious...it's so amazing to be able to do WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO. Nighttime Rachel will usually screw over Morning Rachel too....though she's a bit more compassionate-- realizing that Morning Rachel will have a COMPLETE BREAKDOWN without enough sleep, she usually throws in the towel by 11:00. How you function on 4, 5, or 6 hours of sleep a night is completely beyond me.

Have you ever seen the Seinfeld routine about Night Guy and Morning guy? If no, you should youtube it. Good stuff.

Frederick Family said...

I'm going to call you at 9 pm each night and check on your getting progress. I finally overcame my night time self (usually) and it is sooooo worth it. It took me years to do.

Jennie Smith said...

Love this post Lara! You're a hoot!

Kim said...

Haha! This made me laugh so much because I have the same problem sometimes! Hilarious. Hope you can make Morning Lara a little happier soon. :)


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