Wednesday, November 14, 2012
More Birth Mom Excuses
Once upon a time, Joci didn't like when I told her it was too late to start a movie and informed me--hands on hips--that her birth mother said it was okay.
It was precocious and surprising and a little bit funny.
The "my birth mom says I can" hasn't stopped at all. That phrase comes out of Joci's mouth at least two times a night.
Once, she used God as an excuse. "God says I can."
I know she's just finding ways to control her chaotic little world and get whatever it is she wants at the moment. She isn't trying to be cruel. And it doesn't hurt my feelings that she is using the idea of her birth mom in this way. Mostly, I just struggle with how to deal with the sassing. I have protocol for other sassing...but I've been afraid to use it with her "birth mom" sassing because I don't want Joci to associate talking about her birth mom with unpleasant consequences and I don't want to disrespect Joci's birth mom.
I very much want Joci to feel free to talk about her birth parents. I want to encourage questions and discussions and thoughts and feelings, no matter what they are. The last thing I want is for her to feel ashamed about her questions and feelings. I do not want her to hide that from me because she is afraid of hurting me.
So I haven't done much about her "birth mom" comments. But they are getting more frequent--probably because I let her get away with them.
I asked my husband tonight what we should do. He is a counselor and has far better ideas about communication than I do. We decided to have a talk with her about it. She is three and understands more than we often give her credit for. So we did our best to explain how we love her birth parents very much and she can always talk about them but she can no longer use them for sassing me.
I *think* it went well.
I'll let you know how it goes.