Thursday, February 28, 2013

Losing a Birth Father

Last month I received a text message from the translator who helped us with Noelle's adoption in Arkansas. She relayed some very shocking news. Noelle's birth father had very tragically died. It was sudden and unexpected.

My emotions surrounding the event are confusing.

I met this young man and loved him instantly. He was always smiling. Noelle was his first/only child and he was such a proud papa. He snuggled her, kissed her, rubbed his nose on her soft newborn skin. I very much remember him showing off all the pictures he had taken on his tablet. When there is a language barrier, pictures and actions speak louder than words.

He had a light about him, an energy that was just contagious. Noelle looks just like him and I feel like she already has that same joy that lights her from within. She has a part of him in her. It is a tragedy that he is gone from this world so young.

At the same time...I barely knew this man. I met him a few times. Never had a real conversation for him. My sadness over his death isn't my own. It's a sadness for what might have been. The relationship I could have had with him. The relationship Noelle could have had. The pain and loss and emptiness that Noelle may or may not feel one day over her birth dad.

I know our presence was desired at the funeral, but it was not feasible for us to make a trek from Idaho to Arkansas in such short time.

Our prayers have been with Garry's family and his girlfriend, Noelle's birth mother. I pray for my little girl too, to be able to accept this part of her identity with the grace she will undoubtedly need.

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